I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
