the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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