i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
