If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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