I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
