My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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