Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
