Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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