You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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