We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
