I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I touched a dick in church today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize