is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
