i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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