Please, let me fuck your mom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
