I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
