I wish they made helmets for livers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
