I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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