Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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