She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
