When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
