i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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