i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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