i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
