Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
