Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
whose parrot is this?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
