Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
