If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
