i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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