i may or may not be watching the land before time
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
