Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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