I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like, not good at living.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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