Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
