she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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