I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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