you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
