I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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