i would punch a child for taco bell
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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