Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
