how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
