Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
