I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
