Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
