God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
