You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
