took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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