I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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