The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
