She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
