we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
