I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
