i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
