that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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