I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
