blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
