She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
