im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
