she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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