dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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