i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
