..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
