I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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