Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
