I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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