dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
