"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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