I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
