Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
