Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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