If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
