you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
