Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
